Frozen
by ArtieFanFiction
Summary: Tony is hurting, feeling frozen, feeling lost… without Ziva… Will Gibbs and the rest of the team be able to help him through this?
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note :**_

_**Tony is hurting, feeling frozen, feeling lost… without Ziva… Will Gibbs and the rest of the team be able to help him through this?**_

_**Enjoy.**_

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"When last did you have a good night's sleep, Tony?" McGee asked as he dropped his bag behind his desk. It was barely 7am and it was the 3rd day in a row that Tony was in the bullpen before him.

"Oh McGee, worried about me?" Tony smiled.

"Seriously Tony, you're looking…"

"Looking what?"

"Exhausted." McGee replied, looking at Tony's bin. "Did you drink all of that this morning?"

There were 3 cans of energy drinks and a rumpled up coffee bean bag in Tony's bin.

"No, I drank some of it during the night."

"You worked through the night again?" McGee exclaimed.

"Oh relax McGee." Tony shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with working through the night. We do it often enough."

"Yeah, when we're working a case. But we did have a case this week." McGee said. "Listen, Tony, do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

"Appreciate the offer McGee but I'm fine." Tony replied.

"Good." It was Gibbs. "Grab your gear. We have a dead officer in Shenandoah Park."

Tony grabbed another energy drink from his drawer before rushing after Gibbs and McGee. In the elevator, Gibbs stared at him and Tony avoided looking back. McGee watched them expecting Gibbs to say something. But he didn't.

At the crime scene, McGee walked alongside Tony as he gulped the last of the energy drink.

"You need to lay off that stuff. It's bad for you."

"Okay McGee, I won't have another one this morning." Tony said rolling his eyes at McGee. They approached the scene and Tony started taking photographs while McGee took the dead man's finger prints.

"You should take some time off." McGee suggested.

"What, no. The last thing I need is to be home alone." Tony shuddered, taking photographs of the surrounding trees and spectators.

"Tell me why." McGee stood up and in the line of Tony's camera lens.

"Because, McWorry, I have been away long enough and I need to get back into my A game." Tony said.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs walked up to them. "What you got?"

"One times dead man, shot once in the back at close range. Not dressed for a trip to the park."

"And?" Gibbs prompted.

"His missing one shoe and looks like he was in a fight prior to being shot."

"What else?" Gibbs prompted.

"He has his wallet and watch so this was not a robbery gone wrong." Tony turned to look around.

"DiNozzo?"

"Looks like he ran from that direction," Tony said pointed at the trees, "out onto the road looking for help. I'll retrace his footsteps." Tony said heading towards the tree line.

Gibbs and McGee watched Tony and noted that he was a distracted, because he started taking photographs of the trees and leaves around him, instead of looking at the ground.

"Something you want to say, McGee?" Gibbs asked.

"What? No, nothing Boss." McGee turned back to the dead man.

But Gibbs wasn't fooled. He could see the concern in McGee's eyes and he didn't blame the younger man. DiNozzo was in trouble and he was going to have to do something about it.

Tony walked through the trees, snapping random shots.

It was beautiful, fragrant, like the garden he and Ziva had buried her little box in. They had been so close then, touching each other, sharing their feelings for each other…

_God, Ziva, I miss you._

Tony ran a hand over his face, feeling almost frozen, shivering… lethargic. His stomach cramped from the gassy energy drinks and lack of food and he didn't know what to do anymore. And he couldn't sleep or maybe he didn't want to sleep.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs' shout, shook him out of his reverie.

_Get it together DiNozzo, _he admonished himself as he snapped another photograph, turned around and tripped, going headfirst over the edge of a hill that materialized out of nowhere.

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	2. Chapter 2

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs shouted looking in the direction DiNozzo had disappeared in 5 minutes earlier.

"I'll go look for him." McGee offered standing up next to the victim.

"Secure the scene, McGee." Gibbs said and started walking towards the tree line.

_What am I going to do with you Tony?_ Gibbs wondered. He knew Tony was hurting big time and the fact that he wasn't talking about it was in itself worrying.

_Well, I know all about keeping things bottled up. It didn't work for me and it ain't going to work for you. _

Gibbs looked around but Tony was nowhere in sight.

"DiNozzo?" he shouted again, the hairs at the back of his neck rising.

"Damnit, Tony. Where are you?"

Gibbs scanned the ground looking for any sign of the direction Tony may have gone off in. He spied footprints leading to a slight incline. Quickening his pace he reached the incline and looked over the edge.

"Tony!" He shouted. The young man lay face down, unmoving on the cold hard ground.

"Tony, can you hear me?" Gibbs demanded. There was no response. Gibbs swore softly as he started making his way down the side of the hill.

Simultaneously, he grabbed his phone and speed dialed McGee.

"Boss?"

"Get Ducky. Tony's hurt."

"What?"

But Gibbs had already cut the call.

"Tony."

No response.

"DiNozzo!"

Still nothing.

"Damnit, Tony. Hang in there. I'm coming." Gibbs stated, the sense of dread making his voice harsh.

Tony heard someone calling his name.

_Ziva?_

"DiNozzo!"

_No, definitely not Ziva,_ Tony thought as he moved.

"Argh!" Pain sizzled up his side and his head ached.

"Lie still." It was Gibbs.

_Shit, what the hell's going on?_

Then he remembered. He was taking photographs and then he was falling.

_Great. I don't need this now._

"Argh," He groaned as he ignored Gibbs' warning to lie still. Rolling onto his back, he took a quick inventory of what hurt and how bad it hurt.

As Gibbs reached his side, he forced himself into a sitting position.

"Damnit, I said don't move." Gibbs admonished, kneeling beside him as he placed a hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Sorry, Boss." Tony winced as Gibbs' hand skimmed over a bleeding gash at the side of his head.

"Where else does it hurt?" Gibbs asked, his eyes scanning Tony's body for blood.

"No where." Tony lied.

"Really."

"Ah, just my head." He lied again.

"Then why are you pressing your arm to your side?" Gibbs demanded, moving his hand away.

"Argh…" Tony took shallow breathes as Gibbs lifted his shirt.

"It's nothing." Tony insisted.

"Don't look like _nothing_ to me." Gibbs growled as he examined the angry purple and maroon bruises across Tony's left side.

Just then McGee and Ducky arrive.

"Tony, what happened?" McGee asked concerned.

"Sightseeing gone wrong." Tony smirked and then grimaced in pain.

"Anthony," Ducky admonished as he kneeled on Tony's other side and started examining him.

"I'm okay, Ducky." Tony pleaded, wanting everyone to back away.

"Obviously you are not okay. Now hold still and let me take a closer look." Ducky stated.

"Ducky?" Gibbs questioned.

"Was he unconscious when you found him?" Ducky asked.

"No." Tony insisted.

"Yes," Gibbs corrected.

"I see." Ducky looked from one to the other.

Gibbs glared at Tony, wondering why he was lying.

"This may hurt, Anthony." Ducky said as he ran his fingers over the angry bruises on Tony's side.

Tony hissed through clenched teeth.

"Broken?" Gibbs asked.

"No, but very badly bruised." Ducky replied.

"Good." Tony said attempting to push them away. "Can we get back to work now?"

"You're going to the hospital for a thorough check up, young man." Ducky said his voice stern.

"No, Ducky." Tony pleaded. "It's just a few bumps and bruises. I'm okay. Really." And to prove his words he pulled himself up and attempted to stand.

"Tony." McGee shouted as Gibbs reached around Tony to break his fall.

Looking at Gibbs sheepishly, Tony murmured, "Sorry Boss."

"McGee, call the EMT's."

"On it, Boss." McGee replied as he got his phone.

"Tony, I'm going to lower you back to the ground." Gibbs said.

"Okay." Tony hissed out a breath as Gibbs supported his weight and got him safely onto the ground.

"Don't let him sleep, Jethro. He could have a concussion." Ducky warned examining Tony's eyes one at a time.

"EMT's will be here in 10minutes, Boss." McGee said.

"You and Ducky finish up at the scene and head back." Gibbs ordered. "I'm staying with Tony."

Tony watched as McGee and Ducky headed back up the hill side.

"Boss, you really don't have to stay." Tony said.

"No, Tony. I do." Gibbs replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony hated this. He was aching all over and he was so damn tired. But he couldn't let his guard down. Not with Gibbs watching him so closely.

"Boss, I'm okay. You can get back to the case." Tony attempted to get Gibbs to leave.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Gibbs asked.

"What?Nothing's going on Boss. I'm just clumsier then usual and I'm sorry for all this."

Gibbs kneeled down in front of him, placed a finger below his chin and lifted his head until Tony had nowhere else to look but right at him.

"Tony, talk to me." Gibbs prompted.

It was not an order.

It almost sounded like a father talking to a child.

And that shocked Tony, made him blush in embarrassment and made him feel altogether vulnerable.

"I …" Tony started to look away and Gibbs let him.

"Tony?"

"I … don't… know." Tony let out a staggered breath and clamped his arm against his side.

"The hell you don't," Gibbs stated as he stood up and started pacing.

"Boss, I…" Tony didn't know how to respond.

From caring to commanding in seconds that's Gibbs for you. Clearly neither of them was comfortable with this situation.

_Damnit._ Tony blinked rapidly, confused at the rush of emotions he suddenly felt.

_Should I tell him?_

_What should I tell him?_

_I don't even understand this myself._

The silence between them stretched and became very uncomfortable. Tony closed his eyes, the pain, confusion and exhaustion sapping his energy.

"Eyes open, DiNozzo." Gibbs ordered making him jerk.

"Argh…" Tony grimaced, just as the sound of emergency vehicles cut through the air.

Tony watched the EMT's make their way down the hill towards him, glad that this would end the awkwardness between Gibbs and him. He could still feel Gibbs probing eyes on him and knew that this wasn't over.

Gibbs moved aside and let the two paramedics attend to him. They removed his NCIS jacket and started examining him.

"Ouch." Tony complained as they poked and prodded his head wound and his side.

"How is he?" Gibbs asked.

"His pressure and pulse are elevated and his pupils are slightly dilated due to the pain." One paramedic replied.

"Agent DiNozzo, I'm going to get an IV line going and then we're going to help you onto the gurney." the other said.

"No, I'll walk."

"No, you won't." Gibbs ordered.

"Damnit, Boss…"

"Agent DiNozzo, you need to calm down. Your blood pressure's rising." The paramedic stated.

"Fine, let's just go."

Tony hissed and groaned as he lay down on the gurney. The pain came in sizzling waves across his side and pierced through his head.

"Easy, Tony." Gibbs said walking alongside the gurney as the paramedics made their way up the hill.

Gibbs watched Tony as he tried to minimize the extent of his pain. But it was more than the physical pain. It was the emotional grief that filled his eyes that had Gibbs really worried.

_Ziva, what have you done to him?_

_I have to get him to talk about it, to talk about you, so that he can move on as you have._

_I will get you to talk, Tony._

Once in the ambulance, Tony again told Gibbs it was not necessary for him to stay.

"I'm not going anywhere. Get used to it."

"I was afraid you'd say that seeing as you're been rather bossy today." Tony mumbled.

"You say something, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, having heard every word.

"No, nothing?" Tony stated.

"Agent DiNozzo," The paramedic interrupted their word play. "Are you allergic to anything?"

"Nope."

"Any medical conditions we should be aware of?"

"No," he replied.

"He was infected with the plague a few years ago that scarred his lungs pretty bad." Gibbs replied.

"Oh yeah. Almost forgot about that." Tony shivered as memories of that horrible time filled his mind.

"Anything else?" the paramedic asked.

"No." Tony replied. "Do I really have to go to the hospital? Can't you just patch me up?"

"I'm sorry Agent DiNozzo, but it's better if you get thoroughly checked out at the hospital."

"I hate hospitals." Tony complained. "I'll get patched up and then I'm getting back to work."

"No, you're not." Gibbs said.

"Please, Boss, don't make me spend the night." Tony said. "I have to get back to work. I can't stay alone at home. I just…"

"Tony, calm down." Gibbs said, forcing Tony to look at him. "Whether you spend the night at the hospital or not, you won't be alone."

"C'mon Boss, I don't want Abby or McGee to give us their plans to babysit me. I'll be okay." Tony said as they arrived at the hospital.

He was wheeled into a busy ER where the paramedics handed him over to the waiting nurses and asked Gibbs to wait for news in the waiting room.

As Tony was wheeled into a cubical and the curtains were drawn around him, he let the exhaustion and frustration filter through his entire body.

_I am losing my mind._

_God, I feel so damn empty inside._

_Ziva, I miss you so much…_

"Hello Agent DiNozzo," A bubbly nurse said. "I am Suzy and I'm going to take your vitals and then ask you a few questions. One of our doctors will be by to see you shortly."

"Hurry, please, Nurse Suzy? I need to get out of here asap. " Tony pleaded.

"Just relax Agent DiNozzo. We will take good care of you." Nurse Suzy replied, as she wrapped a pressure cuff around his arm and took his temperature.

He was glad that Gibbs had been asked to wait outside. He didn't think he could handle pretending to be okay any longer. All he felt like doing was rolling up into a ball and … crying.

_Damnit, DiNozzo's don't cry._

But here he was and the tears were pricking the back of his eyes.

_How do I get over this?_

_How do I let go of you Ziva?_

_How can you love me, and leave me like this?_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Thank you for the reviews. I loved them…**_

_**Here's the next chapter… Enjoy…**_

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Forty minutes later, Nurse Suzy called Ducky and Gibbs into the ER.

"How is he?" Gibbs asked.

"I am fine." Tony replied.

"He is stable but grumpy." Nurse Suzy said.

"I'm not grumpy." Tony insisted. His torso was wrapped in a tight bandage and his head wound was also dressed. "Can I leave now?"

"Dr. Gabe is signing off your prescription and release forms as we speak. We will be releasing him into your care Agent Gibbs as you are listed as his next of kin."

"Don't worry Boss. You don't have to babysit me. I'll be fine on my own at home." Tony said.

But Nurse Suzy shook her head in the negative. "Either Agent Gibbs takes care of you or you get to be our guest for the night."

"What?" Tony grimaced.

_This is like being between a rock and hard place. _

_I can't stay here. I hate hospitals. _

_I can't be with Gibbs. He will keep pushing for answers._

"You're staying with me, DiNozzo. End of discussion." Gibbs said.

"No. I'll spend the night here."

"Really DiNozzo. You're so afraid of telling me what the hell's going one that you will rather spend the night in the hospital."

"Jethro, calm down." Ducky intervened. "Anthony, you need to talk to someone. You know that Jethro only wants to help you."

"I'm fine Ducky. I just want to be left alone."

"Fine, I won't push you to talk, but you will be staying with me." Gibbs said as the Nurse Suzy and Dr. Gabe arrived.

"Agent DiNozzo, you don't have a concussion, but if you develop a severe headache, nausea, vomiting or vertigo and pass out, in the next 48 hours, you need come back to the ER immediately."

"What about his side?" Gibbs asked.

"Agent DiNozzo's ribs have been badly bruised and are likely to be sore for the next few days. I recommend 48 hours of bed rest and no strenuous activity or field work for at least two weeks."

"What? Come on Doctor, I have to get back to work."

"Anthony, as your primary physician, I agree with Dr. Gabe's recommendations." Ducky said.

"What else, Doctor? Gibbs asked.

"I've prescribed anti inflammatories, pain medication and a mild sedative to help Agent DiNozzo relax. I suggest you take him home so he can get some rest."

"Great, let's go." Tony said getting off the bed. Gibbs reached out for him as he gasped in pain at his sudden movement.

"I'm good." Tony said through clenched teeth.

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Back at Gibbs' house, Tony sat on the couch. He was sore, tired and moody. Gibbs had been quiet all the way and that was irritating him more then when Gibbs was demanding answers.

Gibbs headed into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. He shook out the prescribed meds and headed back to the living room. Handing the meds and water to Tony he said, "Drink up."

"Yes Boss." Tony responded.

Gibbs took the empty glass and headed back into the kitchen. Tony heard him moving dishes around. When he caught the scent of aromatic spices, he realized that Gibbs was cooking.

"Ah, Boss, you don't have to cook for me." Tony shouted.

"We've got to eat, DiNozzo. You still like Beef Vindaloo with rice?"

"Love it, Boss." Tony replied. The scents were comforting and warm. It had been months since Tony had a good home cooked meal. But to have Gibbs preparing it, that was just so… so surprisingly comforting.

Tony removed his jacket and stretched out on Gibbs' couch. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath enjoying the smell and sounds of cooking. His mind drifted back to Ziva. When they had been alone in her childhood home, she'd cooked curry and rice for him. Then they'd sat together on the balcony and fed each other. She would always end the meal with something sweet. But the sweetest moment for all would be when she would lean into him. Turn her face up to his and kiss him. She had the softest lips and she kissed with such intensity.

Tony felt the trickle of tears as they rolled down the side of his face.

_God Ziva, I wish we'd had more time together._

_Why didn't you come back with me?_

Gibbs watched Tony from the kitchen. He saw Tony shudder as more tears rolled down the side of his face. He wanted to reach out to him and comfort him. But he knew that Tony would be embarrassed by this show of emotions and they would go back to being awkwardly silent.

So he let Tony have the privacy he needed to release his pent up emotions of grief over the loss of what he and Ziva could have had.

_You will get over this Tony. I'll be here to help you through it. _Gibbs silently promised as he continued to prepare a hearty meal for his young agent.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Thank you for the reviews. **_

_**Here's the Final chapter… Enjoy…**_

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Gibbs dished up and then in order to prepare Tony for his intrusion, he called out, "DiNozzo, you want something to drink?"

He heard Tony shift on the couch then hiss in pain.

"Anything Boss." Tony said a moment later.

Gibbs headed into the living room carrying two plates piled high with food, a soda for Tony and a beer for himself. He noticed that Tony had wiped the tears away but he looked desolate and exhausted.

"Thank you, Boss. Smells good." Tony said taking the plate.

They ate in silence and Gibbs was glad when Tony placed an empty plate on the coffee table.

"That was really good." Tony said. "Almost as good as Ziva's cooking."

Gibbs finished eating and looked at Tony, "Yep, she was a very good cook."

Tony looked at Gibbs and said, "Nobody says her name or talks about her anymore. We spend eight years together and then she leaves and nobody cares. It's like she's dead."

"We care Tony. It's been difficult for everyone on the team, but not as difficult as it's been for you."

"I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, Boss. I'm afraid to trust my gut. It's like I'm out of sync with my life. Nothing excites me anymore. In fact a lot of things scare me these days. I don't know what to do next."

"I trust you any day, Tony." Gibbs said. They made eye contact and Gibbs nodded.

"I always had feelings for her."

"I know."

"Yeah, you would know." Tony said. "I mean, how could I not, when we worked so closely together. But when her father was killed, we got somehow closer. But she wouldn't acknowledge it and neither would I. Now it just seems so stupid to have wasted so much time."

"Nothing's ever wasted, Tony. What happened when you found her?"

"She asked me why I'd come." Tony said starring off into the distance. "She told me to leave. She said she's changed and that she wants a different life now."

"Did you tell her why you were there?"

"I tried to. But she never made it easy. She never said she loved me. No, I heard that from her friend. Why would she not tell me?"

"Did you tell her, that you loved her?"

Tony looked at Gibbs and shook his head. "The opportunity never presented itself. But there was no doubt about it. She knew … knows I love her. I told her to come back with me. I told her we would start a new life."

"She has started a new life."

"Yes, without me. How could she do that? I offered to leave NCIS, to leave you and the team for her. But she said she needed to move on, on her own. I feel like I've made a mistake, Gibbs, like I should have wanted it more."

"Tony, sometimes just because we want something so much doesn't mean we're going to get it. You and Ziva have shared something special and it will always stay with you. Ziva is on a journey to find herself, the self she lost in her youth. She didn't want to string you alone while she does that and who knows, she might come out on the other end of this a totally changed person, not the person you know and love."

"So what should I do? How do I move on?" Tony said rubbing his head. He could believe that he was pouring his heart out to Gibbs and that Gibbs was being so supportive.

"You love her and you let her go." Gibbs said deeply and Tony was convinced that he was talking about Shannon and Kelly.

"And then you focus on those who are still around and those who love you more then you know. We're family DiNozzo. We take care of each other." Gibbs said as he stood up, took the dishes and turned to head to the kitchen.

Tony followed him.

He felt lighter like he was finally seeing a light at the end of the dark tunnel. What Gibbs said made so much sense. There really was nothing more for him to do but to move on with his life and focus on those people that were still around.

And he could still reminisce about Ziva and they could find a way to stay in contact as friends. And now that he knew what it felt like to be in love, he knew that he wanted to be in love again. He could focus on that.

As they finished washing the dishes, Tony turned to Gibbs, extended his hand and said, "Thank you, Boss. I needed that."

Gibbs took his hand, smiled and pulled him forward into a hug. Tony was so surprised he just stood still for a second before wrapping his arm around Gibbs.

"I'll always have your six, DiNozzo." Gibbs said.

"And I'll have yours." Tony replied as they moved apart.

To prevent any awkwardness and because he really was feeling very tired, Tony said, "I think I'll lie down now."

"You do that." Gibbs said as he dried and packed the dishes away.

When he stepped back into the living room, he found Tony fast asleep, snoring softly. He draped a blanket over him and headed down to his basement relieved in the knowledge that Tony would be okay.

The End…


End file.
